When You’re Slowly Coming

Back to God #1

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It took a while to put down my frustration towards God and at my situation to even consider reading my Bible. I wouldn’t even call it putting down, it was more that I was at the end of my frustration and I was tired of holding on to it. The few times I was able to lay it down was during praise and worship on a Sunday. I am being brutally honest here, but sometimes when you have such an internal battle it’s a bit hard to worship on your own, especially when you’ve been struggling for a while. You start to play church and the only time you’re reminded of your love for Him and His love for you is when you’re part taking in corporate worship with your church family.

The past couple of months I’ve felt that my flesh has won over my spirit time and time again. At one point I forgot what a victory looked like. And I eventually bowed out, became lukewarm and let my obsession with KDrama and Asian Cinema be my only focus. Even now, the quality of the quiet times I spend with Him isn’t the best. Part of me is afraid to be still and listen to His voice – mainly because I know I’d be comforted when I feel like I don’t deserve to be.

The turning point for me to come back to God was about 3 weeks ago. Nearly everyone in my life group had some sort situation go on with their lives; one member had a serious family emergency that they had to fly back to Thailand. It was at this moment that I realised that the enemy is trying to prevent something within my life group. At that moment I still felt so far away from God and I still knew within me that He wasn’t the sole focus in heart, even so I began to pray. One prayer led to another prayer, led to being woken up at 4am to pray. Baby steps. Like how you first come to Chirst, you take it one prayer and one bible verse at a time.

God Bless

Planning > Doing

When you’re that much of a perfectionist that it’s borderline procrastinating, you just have to buckle down and get it done. The fear of making yourself look bad or the fear of producing a video that’s not great is just foolish. And it’s just foolish to have all these dreams and not see them into fruition and accumulate all this regret.

So yes, I’m being foolish right now by writing a blog post instead of doing what I’ve set out to do today. And I’ve been foolish today by letting myself get intimidated by other people’s work that they’ve been doing for a long time.

What I need to do, or anyone in a similar position, is to conjure up your courage and get it done. The first project or the first video will always be bad. And that’s a good thing! It means you have room to grow. You have room to learn and experiment with your own unique ideas.

So cheers to all you creatives out there struggling to implement your ideas into action! I feel your pain.

This time tomorrow you will see my video up (God willing)

God bless