When You’re Slowly Coming

Back to God #1

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It took a while to put down my frustration towards God and at my situation to even consider reading my Bible. I wouldn’t even call it putting down, it was more that I was at the end of my frustration and I was tired of holding on to it. The few times I was able to lay it down was during praise and worship on a Sunday. I am being brutally honest here, but sometimes when you have such an internal battle it’s a bit hard to worship on your own, especially when you’ve been struggling for a while. You start to play church and the only time you’re reminded of your love for Him and His love for you is when you’re part taking in corporate worship with your church family.

The past couple of months I’ve felt that my flesh has won over my spirit time and time again. At one point I forgot what a victory looked like. And I eventually bowed out, became lukewarm and let my obsession with KDrama and Asian Cinema be my only focus. Even now, the quality of the quiet times I spend with Him isn’t the best. Part of me is afraid to be still and listen to His voice – mainly because I know I’d be comforted when I feel like I don’t deserve to be.

The turning point for me to come back to God was about 3 weeks ago. Nearly everyone in my life group had some sort situation go on with their lives; one member had a serious family emergency that they had to fly back to Thailand. It was at this moment that I realised that the enemy is trying to prevent something within my life group. At that moment I still felt so far away from God and I still knew within me that He wasn’t the sole focus in heart, even so I began to pray. One prayer led to another prayer, led to being woken up at 4am to pray. Baby steps. Like how you first come to Chirst, you take it one prayer and one bible verse at a time.

God Bless

To have written 2 blog posts in less than 24 hrs of each other is nothing short of a miracle from me.

Praise the Lord for the small victories!!~

Planning > Doing

When you’re that much of a perfectionist that it’s borderline procrastinating, you just have to buckle down and get it done. The fear of making yourself look bad or the fear of producing a video that’s not great is just foolish. And it’s just foolish to have all these dreams and not see them into fruition and accumulate all this regret.

So yes, I’m being foolish right now by writing a blog post instead of doing what I’ve set out to do today. And I’ve been foolish today by letting myself get intimidated by other people’s work that they’ve been doing for a long time.

What I need to do, or anyone in a similar position, is to conjure up your courage and get it done. The first project or the first video will always be bad. And that’s a good thing! It means you have room to grow. You have room to learn and experiment with your own unique ideas.

So cheers to all you creatives out there struggling to implement your ideas into action! I feel your pain.

This time tomorrow you will see my video up (God willing)

God bless

It’s been a while since a read an entire book in a day. Even though the book was easy to digest, the fact that I committed myself to read it – and not just power read it – is amazing.

Reading books, how I’ve missed you.

FAIRY TAIL

When you realise that one of your favourite manga of all time has finished. You gotta go back and binge read from the start.

Self tapes

Pro tip: Don’t plug in your Rode Video MicMe and record next to a TV with the modem and Chrome Cast. You will get all sort of static interference in your audio. Just don’t do it!!!

Also, it’ll be a good idea to put your phone on aeroplane mode when you’re recording with the Video MicMe.

Those moments

Ever have those moments when you desperately needed someone by your side? Someone that isn’t part of your clique, isn’t one of the boys but someone who is there just for you. A person who’s meer physical pressence is enough for you to keep it together, relax and slowly let go of your anxieties. Someone whom you can share all your secrets to and know that they’ll never tell. I am having one of those moments and right now all I want is someone by my side, putting their arms around me whispering “you’re stronger than this, you can pull through. Prove them all wrong and start believing in yourself.” As I do not have that someone right now who is holding me, whispering those words, who’s physical pressence is enough to calm me down and let go of my anxieties; I am here on my blog exposing a fraction of what I’m truely feeling. For those who have that someone in their lives I envy you.

Don’t talk to me like I’m a boy

I don’t understand this guy I’m currently kinda seeing. I say kinda because I’m still not sure where we stand, I have feelings for him but I don’t know if he shares the same ones as me. It’s frustrating at the moment because his friends say that he likes me but he doesn’t show it. I don’t get it how he apparently gets jealous whenever I talk to his mates? Its like he’s sending me mixed messages constantly! Whats more upsetting is whenever he sends me a txt msg he talks to me as if I’m one of the boys, that in itself is a major turn off and I am quite confused as to what he feels towards me. I am pretty sure that guys do not talk to girls, who they’re interested in like they’re one of the boys; even if its face to face, through a txt msg, or even on chat!

What do you guys reckon? Is he a lost hope or should I just move on to the next one? Any advice out there please feel free to comment.

Friday the 13 (13/05/11)

So last Friday, I went to watch my friend DJ at a tavern. I was quite surprised that I had a good time at a tavern! So, the venue being a tavern not a club, I was confused on proper dress attire. Thank goodness my friend told me that she would be wearing jeans and a top, I thought I’d do the same. As I was getting ready I realised that I didn’t have any appropriate tops for Winter, my wardrobe mostly consists of clothes for Summer, the downside of living in Queensland the sunny state. So the few tops I deem passable to wear at a tavern I finally decided on my white and navy long-sleeve and my fav pair of jeans. Another 20mins getting ready, I was ready to step out and meet up with my friend, as usual she was a bit late.

When we met up in the car park, I was not surprised she was wearing tiny tiny heels. As usual, whenever I go out with my Asian crew I started to feel like an Avatar. I’m usually the shortest person amongst my friends but whenever I’m with my Asian girls I end up being the tallest, not the best feeling in world. But anyways.. So we lined up and showed our IDs to the bouncer and headed inside. Surprisingly it wasn’t too packed and the music was good, but all good things must come to an end and the rnb/hiphop set finished and I was stuck with listening to techno duff duff music. Lame.

The best part of the night didn’t happen until the end. The crowed was slowly dying down, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was sit down. Then it happened. This guy with an European accent asked me to dance with him, I politely declined. Then he grabbed my hand and asked me again, and again, and again. This guy just wouldn’t take no for an answer! So when he got sick of me turning him down he went for my friend. Oh gosh, at this point I was seriously laughing out loud, this guy was a classic! My friend was letting him down nicely but still he wouldn’t take a hint, after 5 minutes of being hit on by this random guy, she decides to run up to the DJ stage where our friend was DJ-ing and stayed there with him for a good 10min before coming back down. While she was up there, I was at near the dance floor sitting with our stuff. That’s when the second thing happened.

So I was there near the dance floor minding our stuff when this cool guy, me and my friend was dancing with some of the night, walked up to me and asked me for my number. At this point I was really hesitant. Not one used to have attention when out, I was taken by surprise. Firstly, I wasn’t interested; secondly, my friend was interested in him more than I was; so in the end no matter how gently I put it, a rejection is still a rejection. I must admit, I admire his persistence so I decided on a compromise: to add me on twitter (which he didn’t do but my friend added him). So what came from a night of just chilling out with friends turned to be a night full of unexpectedness. Despite of the unwanted attention I quite enjoyed myself.